Living with Grief

My father passed away. Listen as I encourage myself, and anyone else who may be grieving a loved one right now. This is hard.

Transcript

So, I mentioned in my book interview with Logan Crawford about how losing my mother and dealing with that loss led to the writing of my book. God met me in that grief and he spoke to me the words, “slow and steady.” Not only did that help me get through the initial grieving process, but that helped me to restructure my life. I’m able to breathe and take my time with just about everything that comes my way. My perspective is different now. I wanted to open up about living with grief because it is something that we all have to endure, and it’s important to understand that it’s okay to feel your feelings about losing your loved ones.

I’m reminded of this because there is some new, fresh grief in my life. My daddy, my dear father has passed away. He left us just a few days ago. This is new, it’s fresh, and I haven’t had the funeral yet, it’s that new. I lost my mom five years ago now, and my father has been gone for about six days. I’m in so much pain right now, but I wanted to share this moment with you because I know that everyone that has ever lost someone close to them has had to endure grief. You may be thinking, how can you be podcasting right now, you should be crying in a corner. Well, I did cry, I am still dealing with this in various ways, but I process through talking so, I’m going to talk to you about it and hopefully my words can help you if you are grieving a loved one right now as well. I’m encouraging myself at the same time.

Whenever we go through changes or we lose someone or something, there is a grieving process. When a loved one dies, when a relationship ends, moving into a new home, or even a big life change like becoming a mother or getting married there is grief to deal with. Those last few are happy occasions, but sometimes with those new beginnings it marks the end of certain things and we have to adjust to that. 

So grief comes in a number of shapes and sizes and I think it’s important to talk about here. Right now, I take time to cry, remember him, reflect on our time together, and the lessons my father taught me. It’s very different from when I lost my mom because it was less sudden, he had been sick for a while. I was able to begin letting him go more slowly, my mother was almost ripped away. So this is different. The relationship is also different, the bond is different the connections are not the same, so this is a new grieving process. The way that I am dealing with this is a lot different from how it was when mom left. I just find it interesting. We grieve uniquely as people, and we also grieve differently depending on whom or what we are grieving.

In general, we all go through the different stages: denial, shock, anger, bargaining, depression, guilt, acceptance. Now this looks different on everyone, and the duration of time it takes to move through these steps is always varied. This is also not a linear process, which means you might jump between different stages in a variety or orders, they are not always one right after the other. We eventually come to a place of acceptance. That is the goal, that is the healthy place that we want to be: grounded in reality but looking at the more positive side of things. There is no rush to get to this place. Slow and steady. We can take our time.

So grief is a part of this journey, and that’s ok. It is appropriate to cry about this! Let yourself feel the feelings about it all. Allow yourself to miss them. Being happy and putting on some type of brave face isn’t necessary. Don’t let anyone rush you into “moving on.” Don’t be in a hurry to cheer up. You don’t want to wallow in the deep depths of depression forever, but understand that it’s healthy and normal not to be ok for a while when you lose someone you love. Just don’t do it alone. Let people love on you and comfort you and be around you, up to your comfort level. Some people process things better alone, and need space, and if that’s what you need, you should take that time to yourself. Just don’t stay there forever, right?

So what does the Bible say about grief?

So in John 11 we read the story of Lazarus, and we tend to focus on the resurrection part of the story, the cool part. But let’s look as the moment when Jesus is first on the scene, and everyone is upset, and the body is put away, and Jesus get there. Verse 35 says, “Jesus wept.” Here is the Lord, who knows all things, right? He knows that he is about to do this great thing. But he cries. He fully experiences this grief in that moment with his friends. The Bible says in Romans 12 to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. Jesus models that here. Grief is not something that we are meant to do alone. 

In Matthew 5:4 says, “God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” I feel this today, the Lord is making me feel safe. I know that He is with me, he is close to me and that makes me feel safe, today. I can draw near to Him and He is right there. This is better news than anything. I feel rescued. I watched my father cry for my mom, he missed her so terribly. I had never seen him sad or broken like that before in all my life, and I watched Him draw nearer to the Lord in the midst of that. He emersed himself in worship and praise to the Lord in his pain. I know that he cried and cried, but the Lord rescued him. The Lord brought him joy again eventually. It was a long period of deep sadness, but it was clear that the Lord had blessed him in a special way to carry on a little bit longer. He knew that he could draw near to the Lord no matter what was going on. The Lord met him there in his grief, and he met me as well in that.

Matthew 11:28 “Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” It’s important to just rest in Him. When we are feeling grief it can get so heavy. We can carry such a burden, the weight of that pain can be truly exhausting. Just knowing that I can come to the Lord and rest in His presence and He can refresh me is amazing. His rest, spiritual rest is way beyond what a night of sleep can give you. Have you ever slept but woke up still tired? You need to rest in the arms of the Lord, it’s much better than your bed. The peace that you can have within Him, can restore you and prepare you for another day while your dealing with this. I’ve experienced His rest, it’s wonderful. I couldn’t live without it. I couldn’t function without that rest in the Lord. He eases my burdens.

The Lord knows our pain, better than anyone. He is with us when we carry these burdens. He draws near to us when our hearts are broken. It’s such a blessing to know that the Lord is here for me.

One of the other things that I’m so grateful for is my church family. All of my brothers and sisters in Christ have reached out, and it’s really lightened my heart. I’ve felt the prayers and comfort of so many of them and it’s given me so much peace. I miss my dad so much, but I have such a great number supporters who are in this with me. There is strength in them that I’m leaning on right now, and I’m extremely grateful for that. 

This is really hard. It’s hard to let Daddy go. I don’t have a choice. He’s gone. He knew the Lord, and that’s my biggest comfort right now. I know that he went to heaven and he’ll be there when it’s my turn. In 1 Thessalonians 4 it tells us that we don’t need to mourn like the rest of the world mourns because they have no hope. We have hope in Christ. It talks about the coming of the Lord Jesus, when we will all be reunited with Him. So whether I die before then or Jesus returns first, my hope is assured. This is not the end for us, I believe that heaven is real and that’s where my parents and many others I’ve let go are rejoicing. My father is rejoicing right now. That gives me hope. That gives me peace. I can rest assured knowing that he isn’t suffering anymore. He’s not struggling anymore. He isn’t in pain anymore. He’s rejoicing. He’s free.

So, it’s a little bit shorter today, thank you for listening. I just wanted to share what I’m going through and offer my other grieving sisters some comfort. I know what it is to lose a loved one. It’s hard. But there is hope, Amen? God bless you, don’t quit get equipped.